I Don't Know
LA SAGRADA FAMILIA ~ BARCELONA 2022
It’s Week 2 since I have been in Barcelona - a place I’ve dreamt of visiting for nigh on twenty-plus years for it’s air of romance, far-flung adventure, storied past, and because everyone I’ve ever met who has traveled here said the same thing, “You’re going to LOOOOVE Barcelona!!”. They weren’t wrong, though it took a minute to feel it.
INSIDE LA SAGRADA FAMILIA
It’s also Week 5 since I flew the coop from Maui for what was supposed to be a jaunty three weeks bouncing through Amsterdam, Switzerland and Barcelona with my friend, Michael. But Michael returned to the States five days ago and out here I still am. I try not to put too many parameters on myself when I’m being moved around by the Spirit of God lol! And He clearly has some ideas about this trip.
FREEZING & CHEESING - JUNGFRAUJOCH 2022
It’s been scary being out on the road again after so long a hiatus. Scarier still to be suddenly doing it on my own and these two truths alone have unearthed some hidden things that are now bubbling at the surface. Like:
A dawning awareness of how pre-disposed to thinking the worst I really can be sometimes (cringe!).
The realization that some (not all, but some) of the negative experiences I had during my last Europe trip stemmed from feelings of rejection I carried with me into that journey.
Knowing that, when I was going through some of my toughest life trials, I never really counted on it all eventually working out.
But now I’m living through these bucket-list moments, and I wonder how I got here. I acknowledge that I was scared. Sh**less. So how did I get here??
I don’t know all the details but I know I did it scared. Just like most everything else I’ve done in my life.
PARAGLIDING OVER INTERLAKEN - SWITZERLAND 2022
I had too many doubts to count, if I’d even had the energy to count them, back when this ride started. I didn’t know if what I believed was really going to be right when it came down to it. I didn’t know if I was crazy or if my path was actually leading somewhere. I didn’t always know if I was hearing God or just listening to my imagination (grief and strain, honey… 😅 they’ll have you feeling crazy). I didn’t know.
I left my 🤎 in Catalan.
My doubts on this subject, however, held little weight, especially when compared to another: the weight and power of simply doing what I knew to be right in my spirit (with some juicy corroboration from others I know hear God too) and following a plan the Spirit was laying out one step at a time before me.
CANAL HOPPING ~ AMSTERDAM 2022
I can’t lie: I am surprised by what my series of angst-filled yes’s in the face of the almighty IDK have yielded. But you know what else I am? Filled with surprise and wonder about life again. I never thought that would happen. Extending myself further for more handfuls of hope and possibility. And doing it all scared until I’m not scared anymore. Like I’m doing now.
In the midst of my present-day ‘I don’t know,’ I have found - and am still finding - a rhythm and flow that, it turns out, I’ve known for a while. It’s the dance I do when I don’t have all the answers but the One I’m dancing with, the One leading me onto the floor… He does.
Sometimes that’s all you get.
And, every time, that’s all you need. Here’s to being led… 🥂💃🏾
PARK GUELL - BARCELONA 2022
Love you, Loves…TTYS!! 💋
~ Shannon
P.S. Check out some pics from my travels…so far! Did somebody say passport??
